HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE – SUMMARY

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is a masterpiece by Dale Carnegie—perhaps the most straightforward book exhibiting the idea of how you can be better with human relations.

All the principles addressed in the book make total sense. It’s not a book that you read for entertainment, although I did take it up to read for passing time.

The book doesn’t project much regarding winning friends. All the principles are largely to influence people, and I suppose the author intends to say that you can win the friendship of anybody if you can influence them.

I’ve been reading this book for the past 3 months, going through each chapter twice. And at the end of every chapter, I made some notes in my book, overall making it 30 points. Trust me, if you can master these 30 principles, there is no need AT ALL to spend months reading this self-help book.

HERE WE GO:

1. Never criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Appreciate people ten times more, honestly and sincerely.
3. Always think and speak about the other person’s wants and gets, not what you desire.
4. Be genuinely interested in the people you’re with.
5. Smile while conversing. Always.
6. Address people by their name whenever possible.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
9. Make the other person feel important. Appreciate every small detail you admire about them.
10. Avoid arguments. Cut them off right after they begin, in some way or another.
11. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong” or “I will prove you wrong.”
12. Blame yourself for your wrongs about what the other person is thinking or intends to say—and say it before the other person gets a chance to tell them to you first.
13. Converse in a friendly way.
14. Before trying to prove your point while arguing, get the other person to say “yes, yes” multiple times by asking questions for which they will be forced to say yes. When you have enough yeses at your side, go ahead and tell them what you want to prove, and they might agree 100% with you.
15. Let the other person do the major chunk of the talking. Do not interrupt.
16. Make the person feel as though the idea given is his or her own. Don’t try to sell your thoughts to others, make them buy them without you asking for it.
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
18. Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires. Use this magic phrase before an argument starts: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
19. Appeal to nobler motives.
20. Dramatically express your ideas, no matter how small they are. That is the only way to get attention.
21. Throw down a challenge or a competition among two people. It will get them to do what you want them to, and your results will be better.
22. Before you start talking about the negatives of the other person you’re conversing with, begin with praise and honest appreciation. It will make the person take the negative aspects a little less to heart later on.
23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Use “and” instead of “but” when you point out the negative part after praising. The other person’s self-importance won’t be hurt. For example:
    1. You’ve done this supremely well, but this part can be improved.
    2. You’ve done this supremely well, and it would be even better if this part could be improved.
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Express admiration for how he/she is much better at work than you were at the same age.
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26. Let the other person avoid humiliation. And win their friendship later on.
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. And praise specifically instead of just saying, “You’re good.” Everybody likes to be praised, but when the praise is specific, they take it as sincerity and not as flattery.
28. If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though he has been a master of that particular trait for a long time already.
29. Encourage. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Give the other person some authority when they are not doing the work you want them to do. Make them feel happy about doing the thing.

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What would be the summary and major takeaways of the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie in your own words?

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